5 Things You Must Do… To Get What You Want

1) Show Up!

Want to get in great shape?

Want to lose weight?

Want to be great at something?

The first thing you must do is Show Up! If a person signs up with us to learn martial arts, the first thing we tell them that we expect is to come to class two to three times per week. We also recommend practicing on their own at least one time per week in the beginning.

One thing I can be certain of: if you don’t show up regularly nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going to change. The other side of that coin is that if you do show up regularly you will get more of what you were hoping for then if you don’t.

It’s really not that complicated.

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You wanted to acquire real martial arts skills? Not going to happen if you’re not showing up regularly.

You wanted to get in great shape? How can that happen if you’re showing up every once in a while?

How about losing those extra pounds you’re sick of seeing in the mirror or having a hard time stuffing into the clothes you love? Getting regular exercise is only part of the equation, you must also show up by eating the right foods regularly, not here and there when it’s convenient.

Can you imagine getting hired for a new job and just showing up whenever you felt like it or only when it was convenient? How long do you think you’d have that job?

How about your relationships? Make a date and decide you don’t feel like showing up? Or, maybe you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. Do you regularly show up and give them the attention they deserve? When you’re together are you fully there? Are you listening when they talk to you?

If not, how do you think things are going to go?

If you want a great relationship you must show up regularly and nurture that relationship.

One thing I know is true: nothing stays the same. Everything changes. Is it changing for the better or is it getting worse?

If it’s getting worse, maybe you can show up a bit more regularly.

Remember the old proverb: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

2) Try Hard!

Once you become consistent with showing up, once you get there you must be willing to make an effort.

You’re there, you took the first step. Now, if you’re serious about what you want, follow through is the next key to your success.

Trying hard means if you’re training, train hard! Be willing to sweat. Be willing to accept a little discomfort. The body will change according to whatever demands (gets stronger) or lack of demand (gets weaker) you ask of it.

Demand more and you will, in time, be pleasantly surprised how what was once difficult becomes easier. And that’s when you can start asking more of it. 

Anything new has a learning curve. We get so into our day-to-day habits that anything different or new can be very difficult. Change is hard, but not nearly as hard if you are excited about the possibilities that it brings.

Losing weight is one of those things. In order to lose weight the right way, where you’re not suffering and starving yourself and where the weight eventually just comes back with a vengeance once you let up and give in, it’s going to take some learning – how to prepare healthy foods (that nourish your body and your brain) and have them ready for when you need to eat - so the weight just melts off and stays off, forever.

That takes a lifestyle change, and once you push through the uncomfortable initial stages, you’ll become comfortable and it will become your new habit.

Every meal will be a life-giving joy and you will be your perfect weight.

On the job, are you the one who spends your day socializing, making personal phone calls, browsing the web, texting, posting on Facebook or other social media, or whatever else you do instead of applying yourself to the job you are getting paid for?

Are you contributing to the company you work for and making it better, or are you wasting time focused on the clock and when your next break is?

The days go so much slower when you sit around waiting for the clock to move.

Get involved, try hard and get noticed! If you are a contributor to your company’s success then how could they ever let you go? You’ll also be far more likely to be able to get raises because you’ll be worth more because of your efforts.

How about in your relationships? How many marriages or other relationships break down due to a lack of any effort whatsoever? I would never say that it is hard work, like I’ve heard from others in the past, but making an effort to have a great relationship is so worth it!

I’ve been happily married since 1994 and every year gets better. There’s a reason for that.

3) Do it Right!

This is where the rubber meets the road.

You’re showing up regularly. You’re making every effort to do what you’re supposed to do. Whether it be giving all you’ve got with regular physical exercise, diligently eating the foods you believe (or been told) are best for weight loss or health (which is basically the same btw), you’re trying hard at work, and/or in your relationships.

Now the question is: are you wasting your time? Are you wasting your effort?

There are two sides to this:

One: have you gotten the best information you can find on the problem, issue, or challenge you face? Where is it coming from?

A word of advice: Never take advice from someone who isn’t where you want to be in life, or at least in the area you want to improve.

You wouldn’t take financial advice from a homeless person, would you? Yet, maybe you have an uncle or neighbor, who is having a hard time paying their own bills, telling you where you should invest your money.

Not smart.

Or, the person who has yet to have a good long-lasting relationship, or been divorced multiple times, giving you relationship advice.

Also, not the best move.

Again, it’s not that complicated. If you want to get in great shape, ask someone who is in great shape.

If you want to have more money, ask someone who has it.

There are a lot of things we can learn from online sources, books, etc., but can you trust the source?

Always get information from multiple sources before making a decision on who to follow. Then, once you decide, do what they say and don’t argue!

You will get what you want if you follow someone who has already done what you are wanting to do, and is willing to teach you.

Personally, I may purchase a whole slew of books to understand a subject. Then, I may test the advice, by giving it some time and honest effort, before deciding it’s valid and staying with it, or moving on.

One interesting example (to me at least) is the large number of books about food and diet written by someone who basically looks like a skeleton. With their eyes and cheeks sunken into their heads and black around their eyes.

I followed that poor info for some time, and ended up looking just like that!

Needless to say, I eventually changed. Now I can say, based on experience, what I’m doing actually works for me (as well as many students and patients I work with).

You must be willing to take corrections. If someone who is further down the road that you are traveling is willing to help you, get your ego out of the way, be humble, and do your best to apply what they are advising.

Stop worrying about being right. Just go and do what is going to get you the results you're looking for!

4) Patience

No matter how often you show up, no matter how hard you try, and no matter how perfectly your efforts are, it still takes time!

Never look to your left or right, at family or friends, neighbors or colleges, and judge yourself and the results you’re getting.

Sure, if you aren’t even trying, then of course you can look at them for inspiration.

However, you are not them.

You don’t have their background, experience, family history, schedule, relationships, and on and on.

For example, I remember one student, from India, who I was teaching a particular kick, that resembles kicking a ball. For this kick, I often say, “Imagine you’re kicking a ball in that direction.”

It may be hard to believe, but this student had no idea what I was referring to. He knew what a ball was, but he never actually had one or especially remembers kicking one. He had no reference, so the cue I was using was useless for him. We had to try something else.

We’re all different and cannot expect to take the same approach, time, or effort to acquire a skill or learn anything.

On the other hand, bring a gymnast or dancer in and the physical movements are a cinch for them to follow. They won’t have the martial skill, but the basic coordination to follow is nothing to them.

I’ve literally taught thousands of people over the last thirty-plus years. I’ve seen all kinds of people, young and old, come and go. Some get what I show very quickly, then peter out over time. Some find every lesson very difficult, yet hang in there for years and years, and get it over time.

It’s the old story of the tortoise and the hare. I’ll take the tortoise any day of the week. Why? Because in my experience once things get difficult for the hare, and it doesn't come as quickly as they're used to, they quit!

Now, you can hang around for years and years and saying, “Shifu, I’m in no hurry. I’m patient.”

Basically, you’re procrastinating the first three steps described here.

So guess what? Nothing is going to happen, no matter how patient you are. You will get older, that’s about it.

That’s why this is number four on the list.

You first must show up consistently.

Then you must try as hard as you can.

Then you must apply your best understanding of what you are supposed to do to the best of your ability (which will change over time).

5) Meditation

Martial arts without meditation are not the same as martial arts without meditation. It may be a great way to get in shape. You are using your whole body after all, punching and kicking and grappling. You may became very good at fighting, and your training may be all about violence and winning.

However, the way I see it, you don't hand a gun to an infant. Learning martial arts requires responsibility. You have to know how not to fight.

Without mediation, maybe it's a combat sport. It may be something that is all about fighting and violence. Maybe it’s just a great way to use your arms and legs, punching and kicking and grappling, but it is not martial arts as I have learned, understood, greatly benefited from, and teach.

In my more narrow definition, martial arts must develop both the body and the mind. If you practice martial arts, it should permeate everything in your life.​ Your life should be better because of it.

Anything and everything you do in life can benefit from meditation.

If you can’t control your mind, how can you expect to control anything in your life?